As a woman who is transgender, there is a lot of negativity to deal with.
State legislators that want to implement laws to discriminate against us by limiting access to medical care. People claiming religious values to treat others outside what they were “taught” casting stones at you. Family and friends who decide to pretend you don’t exist any more.
The negativity before accepting myself and starting to live my real self was worse. And many people — transgender or not — know what it feels like.
Doubt, fear, anxiety, confusion, blame, hate, depression.
And it doesn’t come JUST from the world outside you. It comes from the inside.
You don’t know if that event happened.
You doubt your ability to act appropriately in a situation.
You are afraid of what comes in the next statement from someone you are close to.
You are anxious over the future — not next month or next year — the next 60 seconds.
You are confused about what to do next to prevent more fear and anxiety.
You blame yourself for that disagreement or misunderstanding.
You start to hate yourself. And I mean hate yourself.
You lose interest in everything that doesn’t serve to form some sort of release, even if short lived, from everything else.
